My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
