I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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