You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
