There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i love accidental penises.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
