she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
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