you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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