So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
