my mouth tastes like poor choices
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
