hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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