i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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