every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
