the new term for farting is butt boxing.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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