help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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