How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
