so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I cut my penus on the lid.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize