Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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