3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
