i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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