But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
