If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
