Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
