then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
