Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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