i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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