Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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