No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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