dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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