Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
