Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
