The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
