I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize