So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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