Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
