I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
