When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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