oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
