I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
