I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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