i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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