Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just high enough for therapy.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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