Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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