apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
