I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
