It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
