My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
