She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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