Your face is a jimmy john
wrigley field is MILF paradise
...so i touched it.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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