it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
