i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
