T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i came on her dog
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
