i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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