just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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