I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
