Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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