I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
