No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just want to make out with him forever
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
