Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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