some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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