I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
