if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize