I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
