Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
