I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
