He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
false alarm, still single
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
