not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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