Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
