you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
