She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
