You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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