we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize