porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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