I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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